im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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