Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
