your parents love me but you hate me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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