Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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