Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
