i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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