I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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