If i come over, it means nothing
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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