there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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