Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
