if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
