If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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