Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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