i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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