I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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