I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
