He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
