LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
