Christians are straight up FREAKS
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
