Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
did you just send me my own nude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
