I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
