I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
