no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
