when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
