Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
BRING THE BAGELS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
