i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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