I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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