You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
