I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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