Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
