Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
