do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
