If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
