Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
