On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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