If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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