I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
