No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
