I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
