dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
