On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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