Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
