I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
