One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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