i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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