At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
