and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
