I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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