Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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