tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You are the jesus of drinking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
