woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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