my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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