I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
