It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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