you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
