im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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