I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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