Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
