Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
