I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
