I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
