I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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