If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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