My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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